To a close friend

Dear Rashid,

I’m writing this to you from a solitary place where I wander alone somewhere inside of you.

I thought of the importance of writing this to you, the moment I realized how your weirdness and discomfort with living is increasing with each day passing. Soon there will be an addition of one more year in your life. But I must say, you are still young; and since you are not doing anything that old people do, there is no reason to feel old! However, I am aware that, the feeling of aging is creating impatience within you.

You understand the importance of a six figure salary, but you are still not making any effort to earn even peanuts. I don’t know how long things are going to be like this, as your condition seems to me like a man who is sitting outside a house which is locked- but he is enjoying sights of the clouds, and hoping someday he will get inside but is not doing anything for it.

I observe you are always struggling with some kind of fear, which sometimes appear on your expressions, too- and how, with throbbing heart you look at the world. The world is nothing but a harsh reality for you, of living.

Sometimes you secretly laugh at people; those whose nature it is to show superiority, or their ideas of false happiness, cynicism, or arguments and fights over petty issues. On the other side, you have accepted that you are also one of them, and you can’t help it, being human- a flawed creature who does not know how to speak, is noncompetitive, not confident, and unfocused. When you look at the trajectory, all appears absurd, and you face the horror that you are not going to get what you want. Sadness is a part of your blood now. Death sometimes seems so obvious a choice, to kill the feeling of the dying of everyday.

You silently mourn everyday.. a death; a death of nothing but a part of you- a part which was a dreamer, and enthusiastic about life… Or maybe a part which was never born in you?

You wake up in the morning with the feeling of a caged man; a man without a language who wanted to talk; who is engraved in ground with only head outside to breathe.

Remember that your life is a battle. The struggle of a silent revolutionary who questions culture and ritual, whose life is nothing but an idea- an idea to destroy the structure of backwardness and obscurity with knowledge, with wisdom.

Always remember you are not alone. There are thousands who share this pain and suffering in someway or another. Happiness is nothing but to seek in others happiness, without anything in return. At this point of time, all I wish for you is confidence. A strong, confident Rashid Abbasi. A man who speaks the way he thinks. Who writes the way he thinks. Undoubtedly this letter is redundant and more pain and failures are waiting.

 

So lose in your own glorious way,

and die only after feeling that you lived.